Tag Archives: self-improvement

Rule #4: Thou Shalt Embrace Change

Autumn at Lake Clara Meerphoto via fkehren

As the leaves on the trees start to change, it’s a good season to think about change in our own lives. My life has been one of twists and turns and almost zero consistency, so accepting change has never really been a problem in my own personal life. For me, it’s been adapt or fail at life. As a result, not many curveballs thrown my way catch me off guard, and resistance to surprise is a pretty good character trait to have. It will make you resilient, like the trees that shed their leaves in the fall but bounce back, full-force blooming in spring.

It drives me insane when people say, “Don’t ever change!” Really, really insane. A you’re-lucky-I-have-good-self-restraint-because-I-really-want-to-punch-you-in-the-face-right-now kind of insane. Life is change. Change is life. When you ask me not to change, you’re effectively asking me not to live.

Be The Change
photo via victius

There are two quotes I’ve held near and dear to my heart for a very long time. One is the quote above, and the other is a Buddhist saying: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Compassion is necessary.” Change can definitely bring pain. But when it does, you have two options: mope; or go out and be the change. Embrace the change. To me, a fusion of the two quotes I love equals something like this:

“Change is inevitable, and sometimes painful. But when you accept both, you can move forward and you can begin to heal.”

That doesn’t mean we can’t question change. In fact, the book I Moved Your Cheese strongly suggests that we DO question change, as a sort of rebuttal to Who Moved My Cheese? (Both are very good, short reads, by the way. If you haven’t read them, it’s worth the 20-30 minutes it will take you to get through each one.) I agree with the idea we should question change. We don’t need to blindly move through life as the pawn of so-called “fate”. We can control our destiny. That doesn’t mean our path is obstacle free, but we do have the option of whether we’ll turn back around or figure out a way to get around that obstacle. The latter is more difficult, but it will move you toward your dreams.

My apologies for a shorter-than-normal post, but I’m being thrown a lot of curveballs at the moment and even though I rock at hitting every one of them out of the park, it’s still quite the workout.

Go forth and be okay with change.



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Rule #1: Thou Shalt Be Beautiful

In case you haven’t clicked around enough on this site yet, the “Do You Have What It Takes?” link in the sidebar takes you to the first ten rules of being an Exceptionally Desirable Female. I’ll be adding more rules to this list as time goes on, but these first 10 aren’t called the Ten Commandments for nothin’. They are the most important things to keep in mind in your inner journey for EDF status.

The very first commandment? Thou shalt be beautiful.

Four Prize Winners in Annual Beauty Show - Washington, D.C.

What does this mean? This means, first and foremost, you know what beauty is. And to know what beauty is, you have to know what beauty is not. Beauty is not bought, it is not sold, it does not come wrapped in plastic and it is not one-size-fits-all. It is not poverty, it is not abuse, it is not mistrust.

Beauty is: you.

Yes, you. Cliche, perhaps, but understanding this above all else is so important to unleashing all the power that is within yourself, I cannot possibly stress it enough. You are beautiful, already, as you are. Could you be a better person? Of course. So could I, so could everybody. Should you take steps to be a better person? Absolutely. That’s what being an EDF is all about. But honey, before you can do anything else, you have to be able to tell yourself with absolutely conviction that you are beautiful.

In today’s Western society, we’re not good with taking compliments and we’re not good with being good to ourselves. Queen B though I may be, even I have moments where I don’t think I’m a beautiful person. That is so not true. That is not true for anybody. 

So, go practice. That’s right. Go find a mirror. You there? Good. Now look yourself in the eyes. Look! Look how beautiful your eyes are. They are, as they say, windows to the soul. So take a look, and then repeat after me:

I am beautiful.

What’s that? I can’t hear you.

I am beautiful!

Third time’s a charm.


Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, y’all. Once you’ve convinced yourself that you’re beautiful, no one can tell you otherwise.

Now go strut your stuff, you beauty queen.


Queen B.


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What is this, anyway?

EDF is what it is: a blog on how to be an Exceptionally Desirable Female (EDF), written by Exceptionally Desirable Female numero uno, Queen B (that’s me).

What does it take to be an EDF, you ask? This definition is one for the 21st century. It’s one for the go-get ’em, break boundaries (and the glass ceiling while you’re at it) ladies that this world is brimming with right at this very moment. I’m not purely talking about the JWOWWs and Anna Wintours of the world, although they make the cut. I’m talking about the JWOWWs and Anna Wintours…AND the Hillary Clintons, the Henrietta Yurchencos, the Tristan Prettymans, the Mother Teresas. The world-famous; the neighborhood famous. The loud bold; the quiet bold. The instant-domino-effect-ground-shaking fury; the silent fury. This blog will celebrate any woman who knows she’s powerful and knows how to use that power to make this world a better place for everyone around her.

There are no specific qualifications to be an EDF. There is no maximum weight or BMI, there is no beauty standard, there is no IQ standard. Whoever you are, whatever you look like, whether parts of you are plastic or inked or modified in other ways, if you consider yourself female  – then you have the power to harness your inner EDF that’s waiting to come out.

Who am I? Some might say I’m under-qualified because I won’t be able to tell if your bag is worth 3 grand or if it’s a $20 rip-off from Chinatown. Others would say I’m under-qualified because I’ve had it pretty good in life. I’m white (this matters, yes, today it still matters). I come from an upper-middle class background. I went to an elite private all-women’s college in New England. Basically, I’m hot stuff. But let me tell you, that doesn’t mean I don’t know my shit. Regardless of what people could say about me, let me say that I know what I’m talking about. I know what it takes to turn anybody – and I mean anybody – into The Woman that everyone notices in the room. The one everyone wants. The one nobody argues with. The EDF.

One thing is sure: there has never been a better time to be a woman in this world. As women, we need to take advantage of the power we have as individuals and the power we have as a group to lift one another up all over the globe. This is your time. This is our time. We can make this world a better place. This blog will show you how to make it happen – how to make YOU happen. You got what it takes?


Queen B.


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